How To Kill A Vampire
by Bubble Kitten
Summary: Edward told me Hollywood was wrong about vampires but couldn't there be a chance that he was trying to cover up something they'd gotten right? Set in Eclipse.


_Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I have some chocolate pudding but nothing else to offer anyone._

**_This is set in Eclipse because I can._**

* * *

Edward told me the Hollywood stuff wasn't true but I was still curious. Was garlic a lie? The stake to the heart? The crucifix and the holy water? I wasn't even sure of how half of these theories work. What are you meant to do with the crucifix? Did the vampire need to ingest garlic or just smell it? I figured the presence of most of it would be enough.

I stared at my dull room. I'd never bothered to redecorate it and I never planned to. I didn't need a bunch of useless things on my walls, all I needed was Edward. That night the thought of redecorating hit me hard. The thought had suddenly popped into my head after watching one of those old vampire movies with Charlie. Victoria was still looking for me and it really couldn't harm to have a tiny bit more protection against her. Having Edward and his family have to put themselves on the line to protect me made me ache; if I at least tried to help a tiny bit it'd be a good thing, right?

I stepped lightly down to the kitchen, Charlie was just in the other room and I doubted I'd be able to come up with a good explanation as to why I was taking garlic up to my room. I grabbed some garlic out of the fridge and then sneaked back upstairs. I walked back into my room only to fall over in shock. There was Edward waiting for me.

"Edward, don't scare me like that!" I whispered, scared Charlie would've heard me fall through the floor boards.

"Don't worry, Charlie didn't hear you," Edward said with his crooked smile and amused eyes.

"Are you sure you can't hear my thoughts?" I asked, knowing the answer before he opened his mouth.

"Bella, I wish I could hear your thoughts at times but, it was all over your face just now." Edward smirked. He looked me over and noticed the garlic at my feet. "Why do you have garlic?"

"I wanted to smell it." This was the same excuse I was going to give Charlie.

The next thing I knew, Edward was picking up the garlic and throwing it out the window. "Edward! Why'd you do that?"

Edward's eyes were dark for a moment but lightened when he locked them with mine. "I'm not a fan of the smell, Bella."

"But you didn't have to throw it out of the window!" Now I had to buy more garlic for tomorrow nights dinner. Charlie had requested it and was looking forward to it.

"It was just garlic," Edward stated. He then pulled me towards the bed. "You need your sleep for the trigonometry test tomorrow."

I made a face, I hadn't studied at all for it. What was the point when I wasn't going to be human for much longer? What was the actual point of trigonometry to begin with? I let myself get into bed anyway. Edward lay alongside me and softly sung me to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, I still had thoughts of killing vampires in my head. Edward had reacted badly to the garlic, could that be a sign? Was Hollywood right for once? Maybe it was just a coincidence. I decided I'd pick up more garlic on the way home as well as a garden stake. I was sure I'd brought a curifix to Forks, I just needed to find it (Renee had put it in my bag in case I needed it).

After a little bit of decorating, my room would be protected from Victoria. First, my room, then the house! Charlie needed some protecting, too.

My day was as normal as usual (nothing involving vampires was really normal) and I gave Edward an excuse so he'd meet me later instead of driving me home. I picked up my needed items (and some spring water because that was the closest thing to holy water I could find in the supermarket) and headed home.

I was surprised to see no cars in the driveway. Normally Edward would be waiting for me ... perhaps he'd gone hunting and I wasn't listening when he told me. Not too bothered, I figured it was the perfect moment to put up my vampire protection around the house. I'd leave my room free of the protection because Edward could have been bothered by it. The rest of the house didn't matter as much so I put cloves of Garlic in each room, hung my crucifix on my bedroom door (the outside of the door so Edward wouldn't notice it.)

I finished protecting the house and began on dinner. Charlie came home and ate tea without questioning the strong garlic smell that wasn't just coming from his food. After eating, we both sat and watched whatever football team was playing. Truth be told, it was only Charlie watching, I was wondering where Edward was. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember him saying anything about hunting tonight and I was a hundred percent sure he said he'd meet me later.

I told Charlie good night and was about to leave the room when he spoke up.

"Where's Edward tonight?" Charlie asked, sounding uninterested.

"He probably went hunting or something," I replied, trying to sound unconcerned but I'm sure Charlie could pick up that I was worried.

"I'm sure he'll call or something," Charlie said.

Walking out of the room and up the stairs I silently thanked Charlie for saying that even though I knew he'd rather I be with someone else at times.

Opening my bedroom door and entering, I looked around. Still no Edward. Had something happened? Had Victoria gotten him? Shivering, I looked out my window and scanned the roads I could see for his car. Time seemed to have stopped as I watched. Nothing moved outside and I was feeling anxious every moment a new terrible scenario came to mind.

Leaving my bedroom, I went down to the kitchen and dialed his phone number – no answer. I dialled the Cullen's house and Alice answered.

"Bella!" Alice squealed. I saw it as an unfair advantage that she knew I was going to call before the phone even rang.

"Hi Alice!" I tried to match her enthusiasm but failed. "Do you know where Edward is?"

"He's here, wanna speak to him?"

"Of course." Talking to Edward on the phone was rare. Normally he was here...

"Hello Bella," Edward said in his perfect voice. Inside I was both jumping around happily and visualising yelling at him.

"I thought you were coming around tonight."

"I thought I threw out all of that garlic."

That's why he wasn't here? Garlic?

"Your house stinks of it, Bella."

"How can you hate the smell that much!?" I asked angrily. If he could be around me and my smell without killing me, how could he not stand the garlic smell?

"Bella, I already told you-"

"No, you didn't! You just said you didn't like the smell!"

A pause followed by a sigh. "Why do you have that much garlic in your house?"

I knew my plan to protect the house was ruined because the vampire I really wanted to be with couldn't deal with the smell. "If I get rid of it all quickly, will you come over tonight?" I whispered the last part so Charlie couldn't hear.

"Of course."

"Bye!" I said and hung up so I could find all the garlic cloves and put them in the fridge. I then raced around and sprayed nicer smelling stuff around every area where I'd had the garlic. Going back into my bedroom, I waited patiently for Edward to arrive which he did in one minute into waiting.

"Thanks for getting rid of the garlic stench," Edward said with a crooked smile. He then hugged me tight and gave me a quick kiss. Even now, that made my heartbeat quicken.

"I still don't understand why you hate it so much," I replied, scowling.

"It's a simple dislike," Edward stated.

* * *

The next day at school, I got to lunch before Edward and saw Alice at our table. It was the perfect chance to ask her if she also hated garlic. If she said yes, I assumed the rumour about garlic getting rid of vampires to be true. If she said no, Edward really just hated the smell of garlic.

"Alice, do you like the smell of garlic?" I asked.

Confusion struck Alice's face. "I don't like the smell..."

"Why not?"

"It's an extremely strong smell to my nose," Alice responded with a slightly amused and slightly confused expression.

"So there aren't any vampires that can stand garlic?"

"We can stand it."

"Then why does Edward hate the smell?"

"Maybe it's just a dislike," a velvet voice whispered in my ear.

"Edward!" I shrieked in surprise.

Alice started giggling at my surprised expression and Edward's annoyed expression.

"Do you like holy water?" I asked Alice. Trying to ignore Edward but not succeeding when he sat next to me.

"Bella, why-" Edward began to say before I cut him off.

"I was asking Alice."

I felt a tiny bit sorry for pulling Alice into this spat Edward and I seemed to be having but we never took long to forgive each other.

"I have no opinion on holy water." Alice was clearly enjoying this.

"Stakes to the heart?" Alice would answer all my questions. This was easier than guessing and wasting money, wasn't it?

"Carlisle tried it and it didn't work," Alice said thoughtfully. She was on to me but I didn't care.

"Crucifix?"

"We have one in our house, remember?"

"Oh." Hollywood was wrong again. Was there no way to protect Charlie and myself from vampires? I suddenly felt more helpless than usual.

My day continued with the thoughts of my attempt failing. The only thing that was close to working was the garlic but it kept Edward away and I didn't want that. By the time I arrived home, I was more worried about Charlie than I normally was. Edward's car comforted me when I saw it already parked. Hopping out of my truck, I ran to him with tears I hadn't noticed before rolling down my cheeks.

Edward instantly hugged me close to him. "Are you scared?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Victoria?"

I nodded again.

"I'd never let her close to you, Bella. I'll always protect you."

Finding my voice I said, "What about Charlie?"

"Bella, dear, all of us are protecting you _and_ Charlie." He sighed. "Does this have anything to do with the garlic?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me properly now or later?"

"Later." I felt more confident somehow by his ice-cold lips against my forehead.

* * *

That night I sat on my bed and Edward waited patiently for me to explain my actions.

"Have you seen any of those vampire movies?" I asked, figuring starting with what inspired my actions would help Edward to understand.

"I'm not a fan of vampire movies but Emmett once wanted a laugh so we watched a few."

"They have ideas on how to kill vampires," I said. I paused knowing that Edward would probably work it out on his own now.

He gave out a short laugh and smiled. "Bella, didn't I tell you not to believe those?"

"But they were right about the garlic!" I argued.

"Like I said, my dislike of garlic is just a dislike, there's no real reason for it," Edward said.

He gave his crooked smile but then looked serious. "Bella, were you trying to kill me?

My eyes widened in surprise. "Of course not! It was to protect Charlie from Victoria!"

"Bella, do you really want to know how to kill a vampire?"

I thought for a moment. "Sort of."

His serious look was worrying me a tiny bit so I wasn't sure if this would spark anger in him or not.

"Simply make them fall in love with a human, a danger magnet, and have him try to resist his nature." His serious look melted into the crooked smile.

* * *

_Author's Note: This was fun to write but I don't watch vampire movies often so I couldn't remember what was meant to kill them._

_I'll dedicate this story to trueVaMpIrE because she is the one who forced me to read the Twilight series. Also, she inspired this story with the conversation I had with her._


End file.
